O God my Father
There is no shadow of turning with thee
I closed my eyes.
Thou changest not
Thy compassions they fail not
As Thou has been Thou forever will be
Tears start to well up in my eyes. As they always do during worship. I cry even before i know what i'm crying for.
Great is Thy Faithfulness
Great is Thy Faithfulness
Morning by Morning new mercies I see
My brain finally catches up to my tearducts.
[CONVERSATION STARTS]
Lord, Lord, Lord... i'm so alone. I'm so lonely. I'm so lonely here in Adelaide. I'm so lonely thinking about how i'll be leading the dance team alone.
You are never alone. I'm right here with you.
All I have needed,
Thy hand hath provided
Great is Thy Faithfulness Lord unto me
Lord Lord... I'm so useless here. The churches are great. The ministry is great. The christians are great. The YOUNG christians are great. What am i even doing here?
This is a season where your name will not be remembered. However, My Name will be proclaimed. By churches. By ministry. By great christians. By you.
Wow God, i hear you and i hear your powerful Word, but i'm hardly doing anything for you.
Gd on you mate. You're hearing me alright. Now, to just put my whispers into practice. Because faith without works is dead.
Oh... You are right. I have been hearing things from you but not heeding them till you prompt me at least 3 times. Goodness, God, i suck. Listen to these struggles i'm having!!! I'm having struggles with loneliness and friendships! Things i should have got over in secondary school! I'm struggling with being bold for you in speech! I'm so shy. I'm struggling with doing so little coz it makes me feel so useless.
Right on, you are. You always had a tendency to put your works and your plans over mine. Bet you thought that problem was solved years ago, huh? Nope... Same old problem's still around.
Sigh... I suck don't I.
If you didn't suck, you wouldn't need grace. Now, go show grace to everyone else. Show grace knowing that ppl have their seasons, their own unique personal struggles, their unique personality.
But but but... I suck!!! How do i do all that??
My child, you're already redeemed. And because you are redeemed, you are already changed and reaping that progressive change day my day. Right now, you're changed.
I sure don't feel changed.
Well, Abraham sure didn't feel or look righteous, but i proclaimed He was because...
Of His belief.
Gd bible knowledge. Well done!
Ok i get it God... But what does belief really mean... i wonder....
(((Right there and then... the preacher calls for those who aren't sure where they are going after they die to pray the sinner's prayer with them. I almost shrugged it off with a "yea, DOOH!", but i realized... if you told me i had gotten a terminal illness today and was going to die soon... I'm not so sure if i would be that confident in a God or Heaven. And so... i prayed. And right after that... the preacher called those who prayed that prayer to stand up! Horrors of Horrors!)))
Ok Kim. I heard your prayer. Now, "if you're ashamed of me, I will be ashamed of you."
I'm not ashamed of you Lord! I do not want to be!
That's fantastic. Now make that stand. Don't bother who's looking and how you look.
[CONVERSATION ENDS]
I was the first to stand. And boy was i shy. But I did it! I made a stand for God. And i knew, I KNEW life was going to be different from this point forward. It was like i was refreshed!
I'm stepping out in faith. Stepping out, not always knowing what the next step is but with my eyes turned to God and my ears tuned to God. Let go, Let God.
About 5 days ago, Kel, the director of one50 asked me to join the team on their trip to HongKong. However, my law course is starting right smack in the middle of it. And what more, preparations for PlayMAX! Scary. I'l love love love to go God!!!! Butttt... i think no. Maybe... i'll go along with one50 for their Singapore activities?
And so that was that.
But then... Kel asked me again 2 days later. And i was equally excited when i heard her ask again. But i was so scared. I suck so much at law already... what would missing 4 days cost??? And what more the ppl i'm accountable to... Are they gonna be super pissed off with me??? And would my dance practices for PlayMAX be completed???? Will i be a burden to the team on the trip????? Will i be like an intruder in what is such a close-knit group of friends?????? The questions were as numerous as Abraham's descendants.
But nowhere near enough to quell that excitement in my heart.
To do ministry for God in the 2 areas i love - youth and dance. To minister to the students in HongKong who are close to home. To see one50 and be directly part of their team in their workshops and ministry.
And the biggest thing for me...
To step out in faith and trust God to provide for all my concerns.
And so, i prayed for His will to be done. And if it was His will that i should go, the approvals i needed would come. First and foremost, my parents. Next, my church and YFC. Lastly, the legal education board senior director.
My parents, who love me so dearly... Have released me to do as God has directed even despite the discomfort (esp for my mom). One of my YFC "mentors" replied my email in a matter of hours with the go-ahead.
God, i hear you. Thank you my God.
And so guys... thanks for reading up till this juncture. Must be hard since there are no pictures!! I don't know if i could have read someone else's blog post that was this long!
Pls pray for me, you'll see me when i return this sat. But i'll most probably be flying of soon again. All glory to God.
It is a season where my name will not be remembered. I welcome it Lord. And i welcome difficult times if that's the only way things get through and stay in my thick skull .=)
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the dance i did. My first experience directly worshipping God through dance. this is just a clip of the dance performed by some of the one50 leaders. i am not in this clip!=)
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